"fucking the norms" (reposting)

 I HAVE WRITTEN THIS ON MY OLD BLOG>>>> I remembered because of the previous entry, with almost the same title but totally unrelated.

“FUCKING THE NORMS”

8-25-04

it’s a rainy wednesday morning. i was an hour late for work and i’m not in an office attire. once again, i’ve fucked the norms. back in college, our favorite professor was fond of uttering this phrase in our JPL and Rizal classes. perhaps he was tired of discussing the moral and social ideals of Laurel and Rizal so he had devised a way to make the class lively and fun. one of his influences was this “fuck the norms” thing. when people deviate from the normal ways of life, they fuck the norms. when students don’t follow school regulations, they fuck the norms. when women do away from what they call “conservatism”, they fuck the norms. when children argue with their parents, they fuck the norms, etc.

i’ve been fucking the norms since… i can’t recall anymore. but i’m always prepared with all the justifying circumstances that my silly brain could produce. and well, my acts are justified. when people start to question what i’m doing or what i have done, i feel that i don’t owe them any explanation. if i can answer for all my actions, right or wrong, then i’ll be fine. what is so damn wrong with kissing someone??? what’s wrong with kissing? i mean, even making love or having sex has become part of people’s lives even outside the sanctity of marriage. people do it for many reasons but hey, do i care? what’s wrong with getting close to a guy who is not your boyfriend or who would never be your boyfriend? what’s wrong with holding each other’s hands when you two feel like you need each other’s warmth? maybe that isn’t normal but i’m not guilty of any crime.

when i argue with my mom, i’m just making my points… i’m just asserting my rights but for some people, i’m already fucking the norms. when i failed to wear the proper uniform in high school (3 inches below the knee skirt and maroon ribbon that sucks), i was given “demerits”. in college, i was more creative that i managed to wear civilian clothes the whole senior year. my reason was half-truth and half…

yes, i’m fucking the norms… but who’s not?

paking the norms

It’s 1:00 in the morning and I’m still wide awake. I’m quite sleepy but my senses are united in wanting to stay sane. So maybe, i could sum up my day.

We were having bar talks this morning, when suddenly, I got a chat invite from Rhys. What flashed before me were “pakyu” statements. I knew those were jokes, but I had the occassion to tell them, “badwords kayo ha!” Raul said, “Mish is a new creation, stop that!” However, I kindov reviewed the statements that transpired before I accepted the chat, and I found out that Raul actually told them that he is having second thoughts about taking the bar this September. I shifted gear and I said, “pakyu ka nga! pakyu, pakyu, pakyu!” Hahaha. I know it is immature to coerce him to do something that he is not sure about. But I can’t be alone. No offense to my other friends who are also taking the bar this year. But Raul is my constant partner, ka-meet, confidence booster. More of a welcome buddy, and I just hate the thought that he’s leaving me like this. Eva also told me that she is having doubts. Anu beh!

The thing is, I’m also having doubts about my brain. It seems old. It just feels like I don’t know nothing (nigga yeah, go t-bag!). I don’t know nothing. And I feel so dumb for not remembering some things. I started reading but there was no way I could move forward, and now I have changed my strategy. I just can’t hold this back for another year. I want to plan ahead, and this goal/dream/endeavor of mine is holding me back from doing great things. There’s more to life than law!

I need a little more faith. I need less distractions.

Puffs: I felt sad upon knowing that our planned SAGAdA trip will not push through. We are now off to the alternative. I’m quite excited. Bonding!

to begin with…change.

I’m going black because it is the “in” thing now. Obama is making waves. And the same thing goes for his wife, Michelle. Hayyayay. My name is in. My color is in. Great. Maybe it will bring something good to me. Faith. Hope. Change. Those things are on my mind. I’m just off to good/great changes and I can’t but feel excited, just thinking about what’s coming next. However, I would be needing a little help to put things together.

I started a project that is really small. I planned not to talk about this. Doing good is not something that we should announce, of course. But I NEED HELP. I have launched a “MASSIVE COLLECTION OF 5 cents and 10 cents” in order to help the feeding programs of some communities/parishes. I’ve only informed less than twenty people. But I realized I need more. So there. Friends, IF YOU HAVE 5 cents and 10 cents, please, please, akin na lang! Great things start from small beginnings!!!!

I started attending the mid-week Bible service at Greenbelt. Will actually asked me once, “ano ba talagang religion mo?” Hehe. Well, I BELIEVE in GOD. I have faith that there is a SUPREME BEING…A POWER…A FATHER that guides us all, to whom we are indebted for everything we have right now. I am a Catholic. There’s no need for me to change. It’s not how we are affiliated, but rather, how we apply the spiritual knowledge in our everyday lives. It’s how we live.

I started reading bar stuff. Lightly, but I feel good about it.

I started making travel plans (kahit may bar exams). And I’m really excited about the SAGADA trip next month!

And lastly, Will & I are talking about a wedding. Hahaha. Great change, huh. It’s been almost five years and we never had concrete plans of making things legal. It was a surprise, and I don’t know why…but suddenly, I’m excited. I never even thought of being in a long-term relationship five years ago. Much less, getting tied up. But it’s cool pala… I could say now that I found not just a boyfriend, but another bff. =p ciao!

Ten Signs of Being a Freak Ex-Girlfriend

 1.                    Calling your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend, and uttering in a “Sisa-like” tone: “Who do you think you are bitch, @*#&@ has no girlfriend!”

2.                    Bugging your ex-boyfriend with calls, using unknown numbers.

3.                    Sending text messages to your ex-boyfriend once in a while, to say, “I missed you” even if you know that he is now happy with his girlfriend of many years.

4.                    Patiently searching for your ex-boyfriend’s online pages, and leaving “I missed you” comments even if he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.

5.                    Communicating with your ex-boyfriend’s mom and calling her mommy even if you just saw her once.

6.                    Making up stories and narrating facts about your current life even if your ex-boyfriend’s mom doesn’t want to hear anything, and that she is just being nice.

7.                    Being persistent even if the mom really loves the current girlfriend, and has no idea why you keep on sending messages.

8.                    Posting non-stop comments on your ex-boyfriend’s published photographs, as if you’ve known him for so long, and as if you understand what he is doing with his life.

9.                    Not being able to accept the fact that your ex-boyfriend is happy and serious in his current relationship and that your old relationship with him was severed more than five years ago.

10.               Not being able to accept the fact the he was just not that into you, and you just have to move on (freaky lady!).

Incidentally, you might want to see the upcoming movie, “He Is Not That Into You”. I’ve read bad reviews but for that “feel-good” thing, maybe it’s worth a try.

oh yes, it’s almost September, and I am unwell. period.

I was trying to erase the inevitable thoughts in my system, but then, people around me are starting to make a deal out of my personal challenge. Oh yes, it’s almost September and still, I am not debt-free. I haven’t started reading seriously (I’m trying though). And so many unnecessary THINGS are unfolding before my eyes. It’s easy to say that it’s just “mind over matter” but it’s quite challenging to really live with that saying. I mean, how could I possibly not think of the things that I need to settle if I am not with any choice. I’m also having questions about my faith. Not that I’m losing it of course, but I feel like I have so many shortcomings with respect to spiritual duties. I feel like I am not giving enough. Or maybe I am not yet over the quarter-life crisis. Lately, I get annoyed so easily. With people. With things. I’m starting to count my savings. I’m loving my law-free moments (which is not good under the circumstance). My mind is a mess. Period. So unwell. And it’s almost September.