post-Twilight realizations

I’m officially sober. I got over the "Twilight" addiction after finally dropping Book 3 (Ecplise) last night. What can I say? Well, I had so much fun reading that I have almost become oblivious of my age. Ü The series are classified under the "teen adult" genre, and as much as I would like to embrace the word "teen", there’s no sense hiding the obvious that I’m already an adult. So even if I don’t really think and act like 25, it’s a raw fact. My birth certificate can attest to that.

People who know me (as in who really, really, really know me) will agree that when I get to love a story…a book…a movie…a tv series…a song…a singer, I get so affected. I spend money, time and sanity to have anything that’s related to what I want. I like piglet so I buy all piglet stuffs I can afford. I love PrisonBreak and I just spent a thousand (it’s 50% off per set) to have my original copies of Season 1&2. I love Jason Castro of AI so I’m asking my friend cookie to download all of his studio performances. Pathetic as it might sound, but that’s me. I don’t really care if it’s a weakness. Ü

Anyway, that was the reason why I had been ignoring wil’s texts for the past nights. The reason why I lacked sleep for the past days. The reason why I was always home early. I couldn’t stand waiting for the perfect time to finish the series without interruption. And now, I’m done. And it makes me happy.

I realized that doing what I want makes me happy.

Weird. A book for teen adult made me realized something like that. It cured my sickness.

My mind is sick.Was.Is. Still. SICK. kase.

I am troubled (again) thinking about my future. I’m not certain if this is one of those quarter-life crises. But my uncertainties make me weak each day. I realized that I’m not happy with my job. It’s not what I want. It doesn’t make me happy. I realized that I’m not happy with where I am right now. This is not what I want. This doesn’t make me happy.

Thus, I need to do something that I truly want in order to become happy. Sounds simple. But life is not as simple as it sounds. Reality bites. I know I need to work hard to earn the chance to do what I really want. It’s a fact. It’s just normal to have fears. It’s just normal to experience pains. I realized that I’m just overreacting. I’m just being paranoid. I’m just being impatient. I’m really sick. And it’s self-inflicted.

Cookie contributed to my realizations. She asked me one question that made me think. Here’s the transcript:

16:31] nijuyokka: pero dont you see yourself as a lawyer na?
[16:32] nijuyokka: i mean di mo ba napi-picture na yan na yung gusto mo gawin until you retire? hehe
[16:33] nijuyokka: bago mo sagutin yan pag-isipan mo munang mabuti hehehe
[16:37] praktika923: i see myself as one … but i guess the future is quite bleak from where I stand.. (hehehe..parang interview portion ito)
[16:38] praktika923: probably because before i get there, there are so much work to do… so much pains to go through…and i am overshadowed by fears… but in that case, i leave it to HIS hands…
[16:39] praktika923: the thing is, i still can’t see what i can do and what i want to do after i get the title…
[16:39] praktika923: weird noh?
[16:41] nijuyokka: well, that’s fine. kasi you are still uncertain if you’ll be a lawyer and you’ll never be sure until you pass the bar, kaya siguro naka-block pa yung mga possibilities na pwede mong gawin pag lawyer ka na talaga
[16:41] nijuyokka: dont worry about it. basta ang goal mo ngayon is to pass the bar. madali na yan pag may title na

That was cute. I decided to post the transcript to remind myself that after all, I’m not really sick. That at times, I could get so crashed but I could be sober afterwards. That I’m still normal. That I’m not really pathetic. That I’m just being human. Ü 

And speaking of being human, the Twilight quiz told me that I’m a BELLA SWAN. It’s something I expected. I’m like her. I haven’t really thought of what the future holds for me. But I’m certain that beyond my self-inflicted sickness, there’s a BIG chance that I’ll be HAPPY.

Which Twilight novel character are you?

You’re Bella Swan - You are intelligent and kind but not quite sure what you want out of life yet. You have a feeling there’s something more out there for you. You’re attracted to those who are real and avoid the fake. Sometimes you’re a bit accident prone, but your true friends will always be loyal to you and come to your aid when you need it.
Take this quiz!

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