old posts
March 26, 2008
When I was a bit younger, I’ve always felt insecure of my complexion. Some of our relatives would even call me “neggie”, and that really annoyed me. I guess that’s the reason why I wanted to become whiter, or white (since I’m brown and not white). But in the age of gluthathione, skin whitening lotions, skin whitening soaps, etc., I’ve realized that being tisay or being white is something that I don’t really like. I actually like my morena skin. Perhaps, all I need is polishing. I used to think that I have less than so many others. I didn’t grow up with my dad, and eventhough the thought of being a daddy’s girl excites me, it’s just not for me. The good thing is, I’ve learned to be independent of anyone. I drive my own life, and I’ve never been in a passenger seat waiting for the driver to make his turns. I know what I want and I’m working hard for it. I’d been sad for so many reasons : frustrations, failures, my own definition of poverty, friends who are now so far away, heated arguments, material things that I can’t buy, time lost, broken promises, mistakes, anger that couldn’t be suppressed, events that hurt, broken family. But I’m okay now. Not because I found the answers. Not because I am healed totally. Not because life is so much better. I am okay because I have learned that I need to accept things as they are. I don’t have to understand. It’s all about faith.
December 21, 2007 
the real thing, the real ones
November 28, 2007
I know I should not feel bad for my personal adversities. Indeed, it is true that no matter how painful life is, I am still lucky in so many ways. There are times when things seem so blurry and I tell HIM that I can no longer bear the weight of my problems. And yet, when I look around, many people would even wish to be in my position. It’s really a matter of perspective. If you refer to those who are up there, or those who seem to live under the warmth of sunshine, you’ll say that you have less, or that you are so unlucky or that you are full of problems. But when you refer to those who are troubled, to those who have greater sufferings, or to those who are bleeding big time, you’ll thank HIM for being just where you are.
A text message says: “the strongest people have the worst problems, the worst trials, the worst situations. it’s not because GOD wants them to suffer…but it’s because GOD trusts them so much, HE gave them something HE knows they can overcome, and something that would help them realize that everybody can be your companion but not everyone can be your friend…”
There’s truth in that message.
No. 1 : Trials come to mold us and to strengthen our faith. Problems develop us to become winners. We become a step wiser because thinking of possible solutions entail mental exercise. We learn to risk intelligently. We are also honed emotionally because we experience pain, we let go, and we accept things as planned.
No.2 : My real friends are not just my companions. They are actually what I can describe as “reasons for living’. They stay to love me for who I really am, without ordering me to change my ways. They let me go through each phase of my life to be a better person on my own.
The REAL thing is GOD’s love. It is unconditional. In HIS eyes, I don’t have to look physically attractive. All I have to do is walk with HIM, trust HIM, have faith in HIM. And even if people went out of the right path, HE will not judge them for being so. He will just accept them with open arms, without bringing back the past and without asking explanations for their mistakes. It’s just LOVE.
The REAL ones are those people who stay with me, with all my flaws and inconsistencies. They are those who enjoyed my loud laughs and “matining” voice. They are those who feel my heart and read my mind right before I speak up. I LOVE them, and if you’re ONE of them, thank you and I hope you feel the same. 
